Written for: Introduction to Counseling
Date Written: 4/11/2008
Our
Personal Counseling Theory: The J.O.Y. Theory
Dwight Habecker, Megan Walsworth and Ryan Watters
God’s Bible School and College
Abstract
This paper
discusses our biblical theory of counseling titled The
J.O.Y. Theory. The use of J.O.Y. in the title is
representative of three areas where peace must be found
in relationships with Jesus (God), others and
(your)self . We discuss the core problems and needs
that would require counseling, techniques of how to
counsel and how to know when the problems have been
fixed and the needs have been met. One way to reach
this peace is through the theory of Maslow’s Hierarchy
of Needs. We can know that these needs have been met by
seeing evidence of positive changes in actions and
attitudes toward the relationships with God, others and
self. Overall, peace is the main goal of mending broken
relationships.
Our
Personal Theory of Counseling: The J.O.Y. Theory
Throughout
modern society and the civilized world for that matter
our world is defined by how we relate with each other.
Why then is there so much tension and conflict in our
world today? The answer lies in the fact that we do not
have peace in our interpersonal lives. The key to peace
in our interactions is faced mainly on our present
relationship with God. The second major aspect of
interactions is how we relate to others. Do we respond
with a kind, indifferent, harsh or sarcastic word? Our
lives are defined by the answer to this question. Not
only is our modern world defined by our relationships
with God and others, it is also completed by how we
interact with ourselves. If you put them all together
you get J.O.Y. Our healthy interactions with Jesus,
others and yourself creates a joy that we can live by
and truly be at peace in society. How is it all
possible? We will explore the J.O.Y. Theory and how it
creates fullness in our lives.
Core Problem(s)/Needs
One of the
key elements of a healthy relationship is that peace
abides within that relationship. Knowing that there is
nothing blocking the ability for an intimate
relationship gives deep peace to the person seeking
intimacy. In counseling, the core problem is that the
counselee is not at peace with God, others or himself
(Miles, p. 8). This is where the idea for the J.O.Y.
Theory comes in – Jesus, others, and yourself. In any
counseling situation the core problem of the counselee
can be traced back to a lack of peace in a relationship
with God, other people, or himself. After analyzing
this theory, we’ve come to find that any problem
really can
be linked
back to at least one of these three. In Psalm 34:14
David says, “Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace,
and pursue it.” The counselor’s job is to help the
counselee find that peace – whether it be asking
forgiveness of God and making restitution, forgiving
someone for a wrong made against him or her, or
developing a proper concept of self. Romans 5:1 says
“…having been justified by faith, we have peace with
God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 12:18 – “If
possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with
all men” (NASB). And Philippians 4:7 says, “And the
peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall
guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
These three Scripture references explain how we can
have peace with God, others and ourselves.
Another part of this theory is a play-on-words from our
title – J.O.Y. To have a right relationship with
anybody
the
counselee must understand that they need to find joy in
Christ. Jesus Christ is our ultimate security. Without
this joy one cannot be in and know what a right
relationship is. Jesus said in John 15:11, “These
things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain
in you, and that your joy might be full.”
Techniques in Counseling
In this
next section of our theory, we will examine how to
solve the core problem of broken relationships with
God, others, and ourselves. Once an individual has lost
his or her peace in their relationships; what can they
do? We will begin with observing how one could possibly
fix a broken relationship with Jesus in this first step
of the J.O.Y. Theory.
Fixing a broken relationship with God can be done by
using Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Theory.
According to Richard Miles’ class notes, “faith in God
meets our needs” (personal communication, March 23,
2008). Therefore, with faith in God, as well as the
step by step process of God meeting our needs,
beginning with the lower needs such as physical
security and safety and moving upward to
self-actualization, our relationship with God can be
healed. Matthew 6:33-34 lays the foundation that if we
seek first the kingdom of God, we will not have to
worry about the future. As Maslow’s theory develops, it
is clear that God has already provided for us. Verses
such as Matthew 6:34, Romans 5:8, Philippians 1:21 and
I John 3:16 all imply that to heal a broken
relationship with God, we must put our trust in Him and
His care for our physical, relational, and emotional
needs (personal communication, March 23, 2008).
In addressing the second part of our core problem,
counseling somebody else who is struggling with his or
her interactions with others would be based on Dr.
McMinn’s Relational Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. We
would begin by first trying to determine which emotions
are at play. Are the emotions healthy? Do some
emotional reactions need fixed while others are
acceptable? We would next investigate the attitudes and
thoughts that lie at the core of the individual. The
relational aspect is caused by interactions with
others, the cognitive is what goes on inside the head
of the client (or the emotional reaction), and the
behavior flows from the cognitive reasoning. The key is
to fix the core beliefs or attitudes, and the
behavioral characteristic will turn around, and finally
followed by healthy interpersonal relationships
(personal communications, March 23, 2008).
In the final section of our J.O.Y. Theory, focusing on
ourselves comes to the center. David Seamands’
book Healing
for Damaged Emotions is the
basis for this section of our theory. Part of the core
problem of humanity is relating to ourselves. Seamands
creates the concept that many people have an image of
themselves that is called the “Super You.” “Super You
is a false idealized image you think you have to be in
order to be loved and accepted” (Seamands, 2004, p.
102). This image of ourselves shapes who we are, or at
least think we are. Many times in our Christian walks,
we have this image of ourselves according to what we
perceive God to think of us. We believe that because we
serve a God who is totally perfect we must ourselves be
perfect to be like Him. This becomes dangerously close
to diving into a performance model of theology instead
of a constant step-by-step process of continuing
holiness. However, this concept is not biblical. God
made us to be like we are. When we pray, we need to be
real before God and not present our false Super You. It
is damaging to consider ourselves to be more than we
actually are. A Super You concept will hamper us from
living up to all that God wanted us to be (p. 102-108).
“When you waste time and energy trying to be Super
Self, you rob yourself of growth and the friendship of
God. And you never let God accept and love Real You for
whom Christ died” (p. 108). It is essential for
Christians to live real. We are telling God that His
creation is not good enough and not able to live up to
the high calling when we are living with the perception
of Super Self. Christians need to be real!
Assessing Success
We have
already established what the basic need or problem is,
and the techniques we would use to meet the need or
correct the problem, but when do we consider the
counseling successful? In other words, how do we assess
whether or not our goal was met? To do this we take you
back to the J.O.Y. Theory goals, to be at peace with
Jesus, others, and yourself.
First, is the person at peace with God? This is the
first aspect of potential success to be considered. As
we have already stated, we believe the need for a
person to be in a right relationship with God is
paramount to everything else. As was earlier referenced
in Romans 5:1, if a person is ever to be completely
healed, and at peace, they must be in a right
relationship with God through saving faith in His Son,
Jesus Christ. This can be assessed both by the client’s
personal confession and the fruit that his or her life
bears.
Second, is the person at peace with others? This peace
can be assessed by observing the client’s attitude and
demeanor toward those around him. For example, is the
client harboring bitterness toward anyone? Is there a
lack of forgiveness in his or her life? Is there
unresolved anger toward another person? Does the client
have healthy, vibrant relationships with others? Let us
pause here to state that we realize that it may not
always be possible to be in a healthy relationship if
the other party does not wish it, or acts improperly.
However, the client should have the correct attitude
toward that person, one of forgiveness, and goodwill.
Romans 12:18, which was also quoted earlier, bears
repeating, “If possible, so far as it
depends on you, be at
peace with all men” (italics added). In summation, the
client should be, if at all possible, in a healthy
relationship with those around him, which is brought
about by forgiveness of past wrongs, and a release of
the guilt or anger associated with the other party.
Third, is the person at peace with self? This stage can
be assessed by observing the person’s emotions and
attitude toward him or herself. It is characterized by
a right concept of self. This would involve a low level
of negative “self-talk” or feelings, a sense of
acceptance about the past, and of hope and confidence
for the future. Also, a healthy view of both his or her
strengths and weaknesses is vital to a right concept of
self.
When all three of these elements, Jesus, others, and
yourself are brought into alignment, the goal of the
J.O.Y. Theory will be met, and peace will be found. And
it is in this peace that we can live a consistent,
Christlike life to fill our ultimate calling found in
Deuteronomy 6:5, “and you shall love the LORD your God
with all your heart and with all your soul and with all
your might” (NASB). It is in the pursuance of peace,
which will lead us to seek right relationships that we
can truly begin to live Christ-centered and
God-glorifying lives.
References
Miles, R.
(2008). [Introduction to Counseling]. Personal
Communications.
Miles, R. My
Personal Theory of Counseling. A class
assignment at Liberty University of LifeLong Learning.
Seamands,
David A. (2004). Healing
for Damaged Emotions. Colorado
Springs, Colorado:
Life Journey.